Why is lightning faster than thunder ?
Ah Beng and Ah Lian were on the beach on a stormy night. There were lightning and thunder all over the place. Ah Lian asked Ah Beng, "Why is it we always see the lightning before we hear the thunder ?
Ah Beng replied, "Ai yah. So simple also you don't know. Because our eyes are in front of our ears, mah ???"
Ah Beng and Ah Lian were on the beach on a stormy night. There were lightning and thunder all over the place. Ah Lian asked Ah Beng, "Why is it we always see the lightning before we hear the thunder ?
Ah Beng replied, "Ai yah. So simple also you don't know. Because our eyes are in front of our ears, mah ???"
AH SOH JOKES
Ah Soh wants to buy a TV set. She goes to a shop.
Ah Soh : "Do you have color TV ?"
Salesgirl : "Yes !"
Ah Soh : "Give me a green one, please "
**************
Ah Soh goes to a store and sees a shiny object.
Ah Soh : "What is that shiny object ?"
Salesgirl : "That is a thermos flask."
Ah Soh : "What does it do ?"
Salesgirl : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
Ah Soh : "I'll buy it"
The next day, Ah Soh goes to work with her thermo flask
Boss : "What is that shiny object ?"
Ah Soh : "It's a thermos flask."
Boss : "What does it do?"
Ah Soh : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
Boss : "What do you have in it! ?"
Ah Soh : "Two cups of coffee and a coke"
**************
Why can't Ah Soh dial 911 ?
Because she can't find the number 11 (eleven) on the phone.
**************
Ah Soh and her friend board a double-decker bus.
Her friend gets a seat downstairs and Ah Soh goes upstairs.
After a while, her friend goes upstairs to look for Ah Soh and finds her clutching the seats in both hands and her body is shivering .
Her friend : "What happened? Why you so scared for what? Downstairs quite shiok one."
Ah Soh : "Alamak you! You got a driver but I don't."
Ah Soh wants to buy a TV set. She goes to a shop.
Ah Soh : "Do you have color TV ?"
Salesgirl : "Yes !"
Ah Soh : "Give me a green one, please "
**************
Ah Soh goes to a store and sees a shiny object.
Ah Soh : "What is that shiny object ?"
Salesgirl : "That is a thermos flask."
Ah Soh : "What does it do ?"
Salesgirl : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
Ah Soh : "I'll buy it"
The next day, Ah Soh goes to work with her thermo flask
Boss : "What is that shiny object ?"
Ah Soh : "It's a thermos flask."
Boss : "What does it do?"
Ah Soh : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
Boss : "What do you have in it! ?"
Ah Soh : "Two cups of coffee and a coke"
**************
Why can't Ah Soh dial 911 ?
Because she can't find the number 11 (eleven) on the phone.
**************
Ah Soh and her friend board a double-decker bus.
Her friend gets a seat downstairs and Ah Soh goes upstairs.
After a while, her friend goes upstairs to look for Ah Soh and finds her clutching the seats in both hands and her body is shivering .
Her friend : "What happened? Why you so scared for what? Downstairs quite shiok one."
Ah Soh : "Alamak you! You got a driver but I don't."
AT THE JOB INTERVIEW
One day a man tried to get a job at a great company. He passed every test with flying colors. At the final interview part, the CEO told him that his constant blinking would bother customers.
"I can fix that with some Aspirin. Just take some and I'll be better in a second"
So, he reaches into his pocket and pulls condom after condom out until he finds the Aspirin. He takes it and his blinking goes away.
The CEO says "We don't approve of womanizing!"
The guy says "Oh! No! Have you ever tried to ask a pharmacist for aspirin while winking?"
One day a man tried to get a job at a great company. He passed every test with flying colors. At the final interview part, the CEO told him that his constant blinking would bother customers.
"I can fix that with some Aspirin. Just take some and I'll be better in a second"
So, he reaches into his pocket and pulls condom after condom out until he finds the Aspirin. He takes it and his blinking goes away.
The CEO says "We don't approve of womanizing!"
The guy says "Oh! No! Have you ever tried to ask a pharmacist for aspirin while winking?"
BABY'S FIRST DOCTOR VISIT
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed?
"Breast-fed," she replied.
"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did.
He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk. "
"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came."
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed?
"Breast-fed," she replied.
"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did.
He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk. "
"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came."
DEPRESSION AND OUTSOURCING
I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline.
I got a call center in Pakistan.
I told them I was suicidal.
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck
I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline.
I got a call center in Pakistan.
I told them I was suicidal.
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck
| Ah Beng bought a new mobile. He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said, 'My Mobile No. Has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610' Ah Beng: I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College . Friend: Really, what is he studying. Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are studying him. Ah Beng: Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night. DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok. Ah Beng: Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game. Ah Beng: If I die, will u remarry? Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry? Ah Beng: No, I'll also stay with your sister. Ah Beng: People consider me as a 'GOD' Wife: How do you know?? Ah Beng: When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD! U have come again. Ah Beng complained to the police: 'Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house.' Police: 'How the thief did not take TV?' Ah Beng: 'I was watching TV news...' Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine' He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for compliment.' How do you recognize Ah Beng in School? He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board. Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other. So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot. Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and Says 'Hello, how did you know I was here?' Ah Beng: Why are all these people running? Man: This is a race, the winner will get the cup Ah Beng: If only the winner will get the cup, why others running? Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense Ah Beng: The future tense is 'u will go to jail' Ah Beng told his servant: 'Go and water the plants!' Servant: 'It's already raining.' Ah Beng: 'So what? Take an umbrella and go.' A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and not in the morning. Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM |
No comments:
Post a Comment